The adult dating meeting
Imagine now that the day and time of the adult dating meeting has
come. Whether its a swinger couple or a sexy single you are meeting,
the following applies.
If the meeting was arranged at a hotel, imagine that you are waiting
in the reception area and that someone fitting the description of
your adult date has just walked in.
If the adult date is at the other person's or swinger couple's
house, imagine their front door is just about to open. If the adult
dating meeting is at your home, imagine that the door bell is ringing.
How might the adult date unfold?
Whatever the scenario, you are feeling very excited and wondering
exactly how the adult date will unfold.
You are now faced with three main tasks:
1 Setting a good first impression
2. Building rapport
3. Steering the meeting away from being just a social get together
and towards its real purpose
Communication experts say that we form an impression of new people
that we meet within the first four minutes of meeting them. That first
impression will set the stage for the rest of the meeting, so you
better ensure it's a good one. It should go without saying that the
amount of effort that you have put into preparing for the adult dating
meeting will go a long way to ensuring that the first impression is
a favourable one.
There is however a bit more to first impressions than being well groomed,
well versed and smartly dressed. The most important things are your
body language and tone of voice. Communication is based on much more
than just words. Experts believe that when you're talking your actual
words account for only 7% of the total message you are giving out.
Your tone of voice accounts for 38% of your message and body language
accounts for the remaining 55%. If you have any doubts that you are
using your body language and tone of voice effectively, take a look
at your level of self confidence. A confident person projects self
confidence in their body language and vocal tone but a nervous person
does the opposite.
Pacing, Mirroring and Leading - secret
success formula for adult dating
After those first few minutes of greeting one another
and creating a relaxed, no-pressure atmosphere, it's time to
start moving towards the adult action. But it is important keep a delicate balance between
being too superficial and being too deep.
To build rapport, you do need to ask questions and be very attentive but always keep the purpose of the meeting in mind; its supposed to be about having fun, not anything
heavy. Use the flirting to create sexual tension and to keep everything
light-hearted.
Constantly throughout this stage, you need to be watching the responses
you are getting and adjusting your position to match them, steering
things forward. Be very careful to avoid dragging it out unnecessarily.
Once you fall into that trap, both you and the other person or swinger couple
will find it difficult to get back out. If you watch the body language
signals, are listening to what is being said back to you, and are
attentive to how it is being said, you will be able move things along
in the direction you want them to go.
Communication psychologists refer to this process as; pacing, mirroring
and leading.
Pacing is the process of tuning yourself into the other person's
behaviour patterns by the attentive listening and observation process
described above.
You then use the information you are receiving to mirror the behaviour
back. You are trying to emulate the other person's communication
styles. The other person interprets your response as being evidence that you completely in
tune with them.
Leading comes about by stepping up a gear from merely pacing and mirroring
and actually leading the other person in the direction you want to
go. It's a gradual shift that is carried out subtly whilst you
are still processing the information you are receiving from them.
Because this gradual move towards your desired direction is taking
place using the same body language, voice tones and speech patterns
that the other person uses, it feels like they are making the move
themselves. They want to go where you are going because you are leading
them in the only language they really understand; their own language.
From verbal to physical foreplay
You have reached the point where things are ready to move from
verbal foreplay to physical foreplay. You have lead the other person or swinger couple, into a state of sexual arousal where they want some action to start. However, even at
this point, some people still find it difficult to say what
they want and you need to take the initiative or risk ending
up like the salesman who does not close the sale !
To ensure this doesn't happen to you, create a moment of
space for the other person to make the suggestion but if they don't
steer things straight back to where you were before the break and
ask the question straight out; "Are we ready for some fun now?"
There are of course thousands of variations but generally speaking
euphemisms like "Fun" and "Play" are preferable
to using the more direct alternatives.
Whatever words you use, say it slowly in a laid back, relaxed toned,
using plenty of eye contact and above all, in a completely confident manner.
You are simply confirming that the time you have both (or all) been
working up to has now arrived. If it wasn't okay with the other
person (or swingers) you wouldn't have been getting anywhere with
your flirting and rapport building. In other words, the responses
you would have received up until this point would have indicated that
something was wrong. The adult dating meeting had been set up for the sole purpose
of enjoying some adult fun and now it has been confirmed that the
time to start some is upon you.
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